It was a cool Friday afternoon, busy with work, bothering nobody…when my attention was rudely grabbed by a patent, details as follows:

Patent No: US4022227A

Title: Method of Concealing Partial Baldness

A method for styling hair to cover bald areas using only the individual’s own hair, comprising:

• separating the hair on the head into several substantially equal sections,

• taking the hair on one section and placing it over the bald area,

• then taking the hair on another section and placing it over the first section, and

• finally taking the hair on the remaining sections and placing it over the other sections whereby the bald area will be completely covered.

As a man prematurely derived of hair follicles it is needless to say that I took this one personally.

Firstly because my remaining hair is not sufficient to cover anything at all;

Secondly because it cannot be separated into any “sections” as it is curly, tough and stumpy; and

Thirdly and most importantly, who would dare file such a ridiculous and dangerous patent???

Turns out it’s a dynamic duo named Frank J. Smith and Donald J. Smith.

Brothers, probably. Or cousins. Or (please, no) father and son.

Now, ‘gainst whom can this patent be enforced (oh yes it was granted and lived a full 20-year lifetime)? Did the patent owners go around looking and poking at other gentlemen’s crowns, monitoring for any signs of infringement? Or did they go from hair salon to hair salon? How did they collect evidence, before the days of taking footage of nefarious hairdressers sneakily coiling up those hair strands, to lay them deviously on other hair strands in hasty fashion?

I see plenty a fisticuff taking place in Orlando, Florida. Hairy circumstances – highly volatile.

There is absolutely no moral here. Just a patent that was filed probably just for laughs and granted by a United States Patent registrar who probably spent the entire 20 years of this patent’s life pulling his/her hair out in shame.